the past

Most people have skeletons in their closet, something that they did or have been through that they don't talk about. We believe if we block it out, it will be as though it never happened. We don't mention it to people in fear of judgment, basing that judgment on how we feel about ourselves. We believe that we have suppressed these feelings so far that they have no affect on us, it was the past...we are over it. Maybe you NEVER get over it, maybe it is ALWAYS suppose to be there. Perhaps it is a lesson learned, not only for yourself but for the ones around you that were affected by your actions.Some have asked for forgiveness from their Highest Power, and wonder later why they have not felt a complete sense of peace. I believe this is because it is a constant reminder to not repeat what has happened.

The darkness of our past haunts us, not only in our dreams...but as we watch our children grow, we pray...we BEG that they make decisions that they will not later have to suffer through. We protect them in order to not have them see or go through the pain. We ALWAYS want them to be better humans than us. 

Lately I have been trying to soul search, finding the reason for the anger I carry. I first assumed it was the father I never knew, but as I have searched deeper, I am finding it is a multitude of actions that I have created along with the actions of others around me. You have to deal with the the world you have created before you can deal with what others have created for you. (you are in control of your actions at ALL times)

"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."
- St. Francis de Sales

TV Land

When we were younger, some of our "family time" consisted of watching T.V. together. You know, after dinner and homework. 7pm started us with shows like, Family Matters, Growing Pains, Step-by-Step, Fresh Prince, Wonder Years (just to name a few) that all ended up with some life lesson. All of which my parents could watch comfortably with us without sexual content (to the extreme it is today). 

Now...the ONLY channel I watch with the boys is Disney, Nick, or the Science channel. AND even then it is "iffy" with all of the impotent commercials. I even have to block out the cartoon channel due to "SWIM" at night. Yes, it is adult content cartoons, if you haven't ever seen it...make sure you know what your kids are watching!!!

It is just sad, and irritating. Irritating that our children are being subjected to more and more content at a younger age. I feel like I am on constant patrol to try and keep their innocence. It isn't easy "me against the world" 

 

"Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life" ~ Sophocles

Healthy Relationships

C.M. asked me this question the other day while we were having a discussion. "Have you EVER been in a healthy relationship? Do you know what one is??" As I give him a blank stare and tears roll down my face, I try and think of what a healthy relationship is.....

The answer??? No. I haven't. I don't even know if I really KNOW anyone that has one. Is healthy the same as perfect? Does healthy mean you don't fight? Does it mean you trust 100%? Being in destructive relationships in the past, it is like having to learn how to ride a bicycle all over again. I think that trust is something you earn, not something that is given to you. Is that an unhealthy response?

So tell me, what is your idea of a "healthy" relationship?? Do you think that you have one?? Do men have a different perspective on what a healthy relationship is than women do?

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread."~Mother Theresa

Perfect People

I can be judgemental at times, I try not to be. I force myself to sit back, and realize, that maybe these people were raised a certain way or there was something that happened to them in their life to make them behave the way that they do.

Unfortunately, there is one type of person that I still have a problem with....."Little Miss Perfect", you know, SUPER MOM!! Let me clarify....every PTA meeting, the leader of every school function, drives the Lexus subaru looking vehicle, only talks to the teachers or parents with money, the one with the husband that always has the look of "I wish she would just SHUT UP!", she flirts (possibly even touches) the husbands or fathers that are attractive or have money, drives her kids to and from any extra curricular activities but never coaches, the loud mouth (you can hear her voice OVER the screaming of 20 8 yr olds), the one that you will NEVER see me chatting it up with.

I half way feel sorry for her, the need for constant reassurance from the rest of the world must be hard to cope with. (I would be fully sorry for her, if it didn't irritate me so much). 

I looked up center of attention disorder on Google, and this is what it found:

http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/histrionic.html 

hmmm maybe. 

By no means am I perfect, hell I have social anxiety like you wouldn't believe...which is probably why loud mouth and I would never get a long. =X So instead of approaching and letting the unfiltered words of what I think of her blurt out....I flip her off in my head, and am grateful that I am not as screwed up as her.

"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"~Albert Einstein